Happy 1st Birthday Reagan Abigail!

We had a cupcake themed party for Reagan's 1st birthday. It was so much fun and the girl LOVED her chocolate cupcake. Happy 1st birthday my sweet girl!

One Year Ago Today....

...we left for the hospital as a family of two anxiously awaiting the moment that we would become three...never knowing how greatly our lives would be impacted within the next few hours. One  year ago today, we prayed over my belly and our sweet little girl that we would have a healthy delivery. One year ago today, I was so scared about becoming a mom and not knowing what to do. One year ago today the journey began and our lives were forever changed.
It's been a year coming but here's the birth story for my sweet little Reagan Abigail. I want to remember every detail..good and bad.
Because of complications with high blood pressure, we were scheduled to be induced November 16th, 2009. My actual due date wasn't until December 6th. We spent the day with phones turned off, just enjoying the last few hours of being just the two of us. We realized how unprepared we were and that we only had one newborn sized outfit. So, we made went shopping at Kohl's and bought you several adorable pajamas. (My mom did too). I'm pretty sure I will keep these pajamas forever. It's already surprising to look back at them and how small she was. After shopping, we did some last minute cleaning and packing and then our dear friend, Amy came over to snap a last minute belly shot. We had to be at the hospital by 7:00pm and in the haste of everything, we forgot to eat dinner. So, we drove through Chicken Express and ate in the garage parking lot at the hospital. We were both so nervous, we barely ate anything. Ben prayed over me and the baby and away we went.
I of course got lost and couldn't find where we were supposed to go. I called my sister who just happens to be a labor and delivery nurse at the same hospital to get directions, and she surprised me by being on call. I was so blessed to have her be a part of our delivery. She even took the time to personally select my nurse. Total sister of the year award! I changed into a lovely hospital gown...which is honestly a glorified cheap shower curtain with one tie. My sweet nurse Mary, gave me a pill and hello LABOR! I had contractions throughout the night but wasn't too miserable. Bright and early...5:00am, they started the Pitocin and the contractions really picked up quickly. A few hours later (I don't remember the exact time), my doctor came in and broke my water. Disgusting. Enough said. A short time after she broke my water, I got my epidural. Total nightmare. The anaesthesiologist missed the first time and had to give me a second shot. I felt like my leg was on fire. Awww..the joys of giving birth. Moving on...I'd like to say that the rest of the labor and delivery was peaches 'n cream; however that only lasted a short while. I was able to rest and laugh at the intense contractions that were showing up on the monitor all the while feeling nothing. Then the fun began. The nurse kept having me roll from side to side. I obviously wasn't able to feel the lower half of my body, so picture when they relocate a whale...large crane, several people, a huge basket...okay..maybe it wasn't that bad but close. After rolling around like a flopping fish out of water, I was finally told that Reagan's heart beat was dropping and they were trying to get her to reposition herself by having me turn. They weren't sure if the umbilical chord was wrapped around her or if she was just hanging on. By the way....spoiler alert...she was just hanging on to it. Stinker. Little did I know that actually Reagan was in pretty serious distress and had been showing signs of distress for awhile. My doctor finally came in and broke the news that we would have to do an emergency c-section. The minute she said it, the nurse announced that she had already called the OR. Ben and I just sat there in shock...disbelief..not saying anything. My sister walked in and tried to play down the stress and intensity of the situation by joking that Reagan was giving me a hard time already...and I just lost it. I broke down and sobbed and sobbed. For many reasons I think. I just kept repeating that I just wanted my baby to be okay. I didn't care about me..just her. I think I sobbed because I was terrified of a c-section and what that meant. I'm a planner and this was not on my schedule. We didn't get a chance to see our parents' or tell anyone. Thank goodness again for my sister and her connections. She was able to keep everyone informed.
I remember being wheeled into the OR and them putting the curtain up, so I couldn't see my belly. It was right under my chin. Total nightmare for a claustrophobic person. They said that they were going to do a test cut to see if I could feel anything. I remember them counting out loud all of the tools and doing the same after they stapled me up. I hadn't done any research on c-sections and had no idea what to expect. I remember asking the anesthesiologist how long would this take. How much longer. Apparently I was given too high of a dose of numbing meds, and they went into my shoulders and hindered my breathing. So, they put me on oxygen.

While this is anything but the ideal birthing story, I would do it all over a million times to get the same result...my sweet and precious Reagan Abby.
Tonight as I cuddled with her and put her to bed, this story just kept flooding through my mind. What a day. What a year. What a whirlwind. Challenging? Yes. Exhausting? You have no idea. Worth it? Without a doubt the biggest blessing to ever be bestowed upon me.

Fall is Here!

We met the Culvers and took the kids to a pumpkin patch in Grapevine. It was adorable with mazes, a petting zoo, scarecrows and pumpkins galore! Reagan was completely precious in her little Halloween outfit. LOVE HER!

Trading in my heels and pearls for sweatpants and a ponytail

It's almost been a month since I traded in my black slacks, heels, pearls and blouses for sweatpants, a ponytail and tshirts covered in whatever we happen to have that day for lunch/dinner....and I've never been happier. Even with Reagan being sick with a throat virus and rash the first week, Ben breaking his arm the second week, I have still loved every moment. I am so thankful that I was able to be home taking care of her while she was ill instead of having to worry about her at work. Every night when I put her to bed and kiss her goodnight, I am almost giddy knowing that I get to pick her up out of bed come morning time instead of having to leave before she wakes up. I am so grateful to Ben for allowing me to stay home with her.

So, what do I do with all of my free time you ask...what free time?? I was completely mistaken when I thought I would have hours of relaxation and kick back time. We fill our days playing, cooking, clipping coupons and meal planning, doing laundry, working in the yard, working on the budget, playing some more and reading books...a lot. We are in a playgroup on Wednesday mornings at church. It's so much fun socializing with other mommies and getting ideas and tips on running a household. When the weather is nice we meet our friends down at the park in the mornings. Reagan loves to swing! When work announced that I was leaving, they said that my new position is being a Domestic Goddess. Well, I'm not quite sure how much I feel like a goddess while wearing Ben's old faded high school baseball shirt and cut off sweat pants (I sound down right smokin' hot right!?!), but I am proud of myself for a few small accomplishments. I am slowly developing my inner goddess. While it takes minimal effort, I was a bit intimated to ever use my bread maker. However, I have busted it out and successfully made a sourdough loaf and a honey whole wheat. Both were delish! 

I also made a wreath! Super easy but for a minute I pretended I was Martha Stewart. :)  (It's made from pages from an old book)

I also made Reagan bows! This is her Halloween bow. I'll try to post pictures of her other bows soon.

The next big task at hand is working on Reagan's birthday party. I can't believe my baby is turning 1!! Time for another one! :)

Full-time Mommy

What an exciting time. Ben and I have decided that I will soon get to stay home with Reagan and be a full-time mommy. I have never been content in leaving her since going back to work almost 9 months ago. We have been so blessed to have both of our moms watch her as well as Rachel, our sweet nanny. However, I didn't feel satisfied as a mom in having other people tell me my daughter's nap schedule or new tricks that she learned that day. I've felt that as her mom, I should be home with her enjoying these special moments...and now I will be. With transition comes sacrifice though. Losing an income is a little painful, but I feel like it's so much more than that. The Lord is really testing us in  being able to step out in faith. We continue to pray for doors to open and opportunities to arise for Ben's job, but we both felt very strongly that we couldn't wait until the pieces fell together before making a decision. So, we are leaping in blind faith and know that the Lord will provide. I have to remind myself of the Lord's greater plan quite frequently. Examples of conversations I have with myself throughout the day...by the way..I'll preface this with saying that I am well aware that all of these ideas floating in my head are completely selfish...

"We need to get this truck sold. What are we going to buy when we do sell the truck? Will my pride let me buy a less than cool car? Who cares Joanna...I may not be driving in style but at least I'll be the one driving Reagan around."

"Ugh....no cable. How am I going to survive? Who cares Joanna...you can sacrifice the 1 hour of TV that you watch at night for 10 hours of playing time with your daughter."

"Will we be able to move into a bigger home in 2 years like our original plan? Our house is just fine for our little family Joanna and if I get to stay here and play in this house all day with Reagan, I am a million times better off than leaving her behind in a bigger home on my way to work."

"No more iphone..am I crazy? No, I'm not crazy. Great idea to cut down on costs as well as distractions. Even more face time that I get to spend with my little one playing dress up, having tea parties and reading great stories."

"So, I went to TCU and grad school for what...?? Joanna, just because you're going to be staying at home doesn't mean you don't need a brain. You have so much to teach Reagan and hopefully I'll be able to do free lance work to keep my mind sharp for when I do enter back into the work field."

Just a few examples though these continue to play out throughout my day. I am so excited for this new stage in life and for the blessing of being able to stay home with Reagan. Things I'm looking forward to:

*The obvious in getting to spend more time with my favorite gal
*Having the time to volunteer more at church and the Mission
*Establishing friendships with other stay-at-home moms through playdates and Bible studies
*Being able to go visit grandparents, great grandparents and cousins more often
*Brushing up on my domestic goddess side. It's become a hobby of mine to see how much of our everyday things I can make instead of having to purchase at the store.

While we know that challenges may lay ahead, we have no doubt that we are being faithful in following the Lord's plan for our family.

In celebration, here are a few pictures of me and my favorite girl. :)