We finally moved Reagan to a big girl bed. I think this was much more traumatic for me than it was on her. Seriously...the first night in her big girl bed winded down with her rubbing my face telling me "It's okay, Mommy" as I'm boohooing at how quickly she's grown up. Hormones anyone??
I was so excited for the big reveal and had Ben occupy Reagan while I got all of the finishing touches together for the surprise. I had my video camera rolling, anxiously waiting for a happy squeal as she saw her new room. What I got...walks in...turns around and says "I go finish watching Dora." For real kid?! Ugh...She's done a fantastic job adjusting to the freedom though and sleeps with about 5 stuffed animals and 5 baby dolls plus 4 pillows. She still just looks so tiny in that big bed. Even with the big girl bed, she still LOVES to nap in our bed. Whatever, nap and we're good.
The last night in her crib. Mommy was very sad...
...obviously I was the only sad one...
Her new big girl room!
We moved the crib into the guest room and I couldn't help but have flashbacks to when we put the crib together in Reagan's nursery. I remember walking by at night and peeking in and thinking how crazy it will be when there's actually a baby in there. Now I can't believe my baby no longer fits in there and another is on the way. While I feel Raleigh move like crazy all the time, I'm not sure reality has set in quite yet. This pregnancy could not be more different than Reagan's. With Reagan I noticed every kick, punch and roll and with this pregnancy I tend to forget I'm even pregnant until contractions kick in after a busy day chasing a 2 year old. Ben and I laugh at how with Reagan she had a full blown nursery complete with a chandelier, wallpaper, custom bedding, etc. This poor kid has a crib in the corner of the guest room. Haha...oh well. I'm the 2nd child and Ben is the 3rd and we both survived. Good luck little Raleigh!
I guess it's officially time to post our fun news....we are expecting a little baby to join our family September 18th! Yay! We are beyond excited for this sweet baby. I am almost 18 weeks along, though I feel like I look around 25 weeks. Oh well....
I felt the baby move for the first time last Friday (16w3d) and Ben felt it move on Easter during dinner (16w5d). Reagan loves to get in bed with us in the morning and make everyone say 'Good Morning' to my belly. She also thinks there's a baby in Ben's belly and thinks its hilarious when he pooches his stomach out for the 'baby' to kick her.
Just like with Reagan, this baby is already kicking my butt. For the last 16 weeks, I have been hunched over hugging the toilet for hours each day. Pretty awesome. I've pulled so many muscles in my back as a result and have only gained a pound. I guess that's the one perk. While I was so determined to be one of those women..you know the kind...."I feel so pretty when I'm pregnant," "I love being pregnant," "I feel my best when I'm pregnant," I've come to the harsh reazliation...people that just ain't me.
While Ben and I can't agree on a name for this child...suggestions welcome...I feel like I at least should come up with a nickname. We aren't finding out the sex (this is driving my family crazy!), but I feel bad simply referring to the baby as "it". It..see..there I go again...deserves a better name. Suggestions welcome for this too.
It's so funny how when I was pregnant with Reagan, I read every book about every child related topic, my daily BabyCenter updates, I shopped online and in the stores for hours, probably even days, for the right bedding, decor, etc. I have no time to do any of that for this poor kid. Welcome to being a 2nd child I suppose.
It's still such a strange reality to think of my little baby girl as the big sister. She is going to be the best at the job! She is already such a Mommy's helper and loves to play pretend with her babies.
So thankful for the often challenging but always amazingly sweet gift of mommyhood.
The first two pictures are of a ziploc bag with hair gel and glitter inside. We practiced "drawing" the number 1 and our shapes. She loved it. Who doesn't love a little glitter in their life?
The next set of pictures are of our sidewalk paint. SO easy! Mix water, corn starch and food coloring. Reagan thought it was the best that she had free reign to paint and color on everything.
Funny how before I had kids when my oldest nephew was 2 and giving my sister a run for her money, I thought it hilarious. In fact, I even said that the 2's are my favorite age. I loved the attitude and that they could talk back to you and tell you what they wanted. Yes, my friends that made me an inexperienced IDIOT! I don't know how my sister didn't smack me when the words came out of my mouth and frankly 5 years later, I still wouldn't blame her for a late reaction.
We are in the 2's.....I mean I had a slight feeling that they are were nearing us around 18 months but ladies and gentleman...they have arrived. Err...yay?
I love my child. Really I do. But I also feel like all of those times I was awful to my mom and she said that one day God would give me one just like me...well.....it's happened. Thanks Mom.
The same qualities that I love about Reagan are the same ones that drives me nuts:independent, strong-willed, determined. Yes, I know I could just as easily be describing myself in that sentence. She is also beyond sweet and caring and motherly to her friends, imaginative, energetic, joyful and brilliant. Even with my frustrations, I cannot say enough amazing things about her. Really I am still astounded daily that she is mine..well..until the fits kick in. :)
After several conversations with her amazing teachers at the church where we workout at and also are involved at MOPS, her sweet teacher recommended that I read Making the "Terrible"Twos Terrific! by John Rosemond. If you have a 2 year old and in need of a little direction/encouragement, I would recommend this book. I'm about half-way through so far and I've come to this insight.....what drives me crazy about her actions is directly related to me. Yep! ME! My prior post was titled my mini-me and boy do I mean that. When I get frustrated and yell...I am looking in the mirror when my precious 2 year old gets frustrated and yells. When I am quick to be impatient..yep..you guessed it..so is my 2 year old. When I am preoccupied with my blog...kidding..I update this thing quarterly, she WILL get my attention. If she's bored, etc...you get the point.
I used to be really good about planning our day: crafts, lessons, story time, outdoor activities, library times, etc. BUT...life happens and at this season I'm just exhausted. We can talk more about that later...I've realized though while I may not be able to be as structured as I used to be and would like to be, she definitely benefits from some structure. She needs the challenges, lessons and interactions to be stimulated. This leads me to the point of this post. Thanks to pinterest and several helpful preschool sites, I've found a laundry list of crafts and activities that I am going to try to incorporate daily...okay..maybe weekly. Let's not get carried away. My goal is to post them on my blog weekly so that other moms may be able to get ideas from them as well.
And to all the moms out there of 2 year olds... get your camo and war paint on and just keep singing Destiny's Child "I'm a Survivor" song in your head over and over and over and over.
"I'm a survivor. I'm gonna make it. I will survive. Keep on survivin'"
If you ever are curious as to how you sound, just listen to your chatty cathy two year old. Here are the latest "humbling" moments I've had as a mom.
Reagan to Teddy: "TIME OUT Teddy! 2 minutes!" ...a few minutes later....she goes in and corrects her. "You listen to me!"
Reagan to the random lady coming out of the waiting room restroom at the doctor's office: "Did you go teetee?"
Reagan to me: "Listen (and points to her ear like I do mine). Go get Dora panties. Okaaaayyy?"
Reagan to Teddy: "You do not color on the walls..only on paper!" (Poor Teddy hears this one quite frequently and usually ends in another time out)
Reagan to Teddy: "Do you need to go poopoo?" (Teddy then fell IN the potty 30 seconds later...lovely)
Reagan to Emmy: "Hush Emmy! Stop barking!"
Reagan to Ben and Myself: "Stop screaming, Mommy!" (When we're playing chase or being silly)
There's so many more that I'll keep adding as I remember them. A two year old is a great accountability partner on making sure your tone and language are appropriate. :)
We decided to stay in Tennesse for Thanksgiving this year. With everything going on, we felt it best to stay local. So, we got together with our friends the Dills and Browns and each cooked whatever made it "Thanksgiving" for us. We felt like such adults busting out our aprons. :)
While we missed our families, it was great to spend the holiday with our friends. And I'm proud to say that all of our food turned out great. Good job girls!
This is a bit out of order but better late than never.
We celebrated our first Halloween in Tennessee and had so much fun with our friends. We live in the cutest town that always has great family activities for the holidays. Our playgroup met downtown (after an hour...literally...of fighting Reagan to get in her stupid Purple crayon costume that I had made..and had to remake 5 minutes before walking out the door after she destroyed it...never again!) and went trick-or-treating on the square. Reagan loves her friends Emma and Katelyn's wagon and Emma and Katelyn love to pull her around it. It's really the perfect match. So, they had their own little parade on the square. What cuties. Then we headed to Johnson Park to let the kids play and burn off all of the crazy amount of candy they ate.
We decided after the hour battle to get the dumb costume on, that I was not willing to have round 2 on actual Halloween night. Fortunately, Reagan was more than excited to greet everyone at the door and pass out candy. She would run and grab a handful and put it in their bag and then grab a little a little handful and "hide" it on the couch for later. Silly girl.
Here are pictures from our pre-Halloween fun!
We also went to Tom's Farm with our small group. It's a local farm that has a pumpkin patch (like on the vine), hay rides and bonfires. We had a great time. Reagan loved the hayride and getting to go pick her pumpkin off the vines. She is very meticulous in her selection. :)
My precious Reagan Abigail is 2! We had a garden themed party in Tennessee and were scheduled to have a Fancy Nancy party in Texas, though we had to cancel it.
We spent her birthday at the park with her friends. We also went to Gigi's and ate cupcakes with our friends. She had a blast and wanted MO(more...my sweet little TN girl)! We love this little girl so much. She is beautiful and so incredibly smart. She loves to play pretend with jewelry, purses, phones and anything kitchen related. Her vocabulary increases daily with complete sentences and will repeat anything...so you better be careful. ;)
Happy 2nd birthday to my precious Reagan Abby. You are such a blessing to us. You have taught me unconditional love. LOVE YOU!
Last Friday, on November 11th, 2011, Ben and I found out that the sweet baby I was carrying had gone to be with Jesus. This week has been a roller coaster of emotions, but I felt it time to write this post...
Friday morning I woke up and noticed a faint spotting. It was so faint I really wasn't worried about it. I called Ben at work though and he said to go ahead and call the doctor. Reagan and I were scheduled to fly to Texas on that Sunday, so we thought it best to get a clear bill of health before leaving town. So, Ben met Reagan and I at my doctor's office. I was 10 week 3 days along.
My doctor used the Doppler to find the heartbeat but warned that if it didn't pick it up, not to worry. I was still early enough where it sometimes couldn't be heard. No heartbeat was found. Even though she had just finished telling me not to worry, I began getting a sinking feeling. We waited what seemed like forever, though I'm sure it was just a few brief minutes and went to have a sonogram. I saw my beautiful baby up on the screen in front of me. The technician kept repeating that she was just going to keep taking measurements. She then casually said that she was going to go get my doctor because the baby was measuring small. I had no idea what this meant at the time but tears instantly came. My doctor came in and I remember hearing that the baby's head wasn't as formed as it should have been. I finally asked my doctor what this meant and that's when she delivered the blow. I had miscarried. There are no words to describe hearing your baby has passed away all the while looking at their beautiful picture on a large screen in front of you. No words.
Naturally I began weeping inconsolably. My poor Reagan was with us and immediately started crying when she saw me so upset. This still breaks my heart. We were then given our options and escorted back into a private room to call our families. How do you call your mom and tell her that her grandchild has passed away? Or your sister that their niece or nephew? Again, no words.
My doctor thought it best to go ahead and get a DNC instead of passing the tissue naturally. At the time I agreed, though I think I would have liked to go natural looking pack. My appointment was at 10:00. At this point it was 12:30 and I had to be at the hospital at 1:00. I frantically called my sweet friends Kristin and Jennifer to come get Reagan. My mom was able to fly out that day but wouldn't be there until 6:00 that evening. We waited in the waiting room for what seemed like forever and just cried and held each other. Then we were called back into my room.
I had the sweetest nurses that hugged me and rubbed my back and most importantly prayed over me while I melted into their arms and sobbed. They kept Ben in the waiting room while they got me ready for surgery, so the amazing nurses were my only form of support. One sweet nurse just sat with me, told me about her miscarriage and how she now has two healthy beautiful children and even printed out scripture for me to read while I waited. When Ben was allowed to come back in the room she prayed over both of us. We waited in this room for an hour or so...it felt like an eternity yet slipped by too quickly. While I knew my baby had passed, I still desperately wanted to cling to it. I was in fact still pregnant. How do you wake up, go into a hospital pregnant and yet come out with no baby. No words can describe the emptiness that I felt. I truly felt hollow with an empty womb. When I woke up, I was again taken care of by an amazing nurse who also reassured me that I was young and would have more beautiful babies. All comforting words except for the fact that I simply wanted the baby back that I had just lost. I still do.
After we left the hospital we picked up my mom at the airport and went home. My sweet friend brought Reagan to us and I have never wanted to hold her tighter and praise Jesus for giving us a healthy baby. My heart breaks when I think of all of my friends who walk through this season without a child to hold to help heal their wounds. I am so incredibly sorry for them.
That night was a blur. All I remember is staying in Ben's arms sobbing uncontrollably for hours. Saturday was Reagan's birthday party, and I was determined to still have the party. I put my brave face on and hung out with our friends and celebrated my baby girl turning 2. The next week went on how Friday night went....wrapped in Ben's arms crying. I am so thankful for a husband who wept, supported and loved me through this. Who never told me to move on but instead let me cry anytime I needed. This has indeed bonded us for life. Ben, I love you so much. Thank you.
I read in a book called Bittersweet, that I dear friend from church gave me about the difficulty of the mourning process. Other family members, friends and even dads tend to move on quicker in the healing process than moms. How true this is. I had the most difficult time finally cutting my hospital bracelet off because I felt like once I did, that was it. It was over. Forgotten. Never existed. But what a lie. This is our child. Will always be our 2nd child. We are parents now to 2 children. One on earth with us and one in heaven waiting for us. I finally cut the bracelets off though after I came up with the idea to make a memory box. I included all of our sonograms, the bracelets, our congratulatory cards as well as our sympathy cards and our hospital paperwork. I have a necklace that I was given for Mother's Day years ago with two charms..one for Ben and I and the other Reagan. I ordered a third for our sweet baby. After hearing a song by Selah about a miscarriage, we decided to name our baby Glory. It was so incredibly fitting. Glory is everything good and perfect. It's grace. Love. Beauty. Nothing is better than God's glory and we ultimately gave our Glory to God. The song Held by Nicole Grant (which the sweet nurse at the hospital also told me about) has also helped me grieve. I have spent hours listening to it curled up in a ball weeping. Sad but so healing.
I started this blog over a month ago and I am just bringing myself to finishing it and posting it. Definitely the most difficult to date. I chose to write it though because this blog is about my life. Beginning when we built our house and found out we were pregnant with Reagan. While this is a sad story, I feel it is honoring and remembering our Glory baby. Today I am doing much better. I still spend my showers crying more often than not and usually tear up when anybody asks about it...but that's okay. This is my life now, and I am learning to find peace in it through God's glory. Who better to walk us through this journey in life than someone who sent His own son to die for my sins?
We moved the crib into the guest room and I couldn't help but have flashbacks to when we put the crib together in Reagan's nursery. I remember walking by at night and peeking in and thinking how crazy it will be when there's actually a baby in there. Now I can't believe my baby no longer fits in there and another is on the way. While I feel Raleigh move like crazy all the time, I'm not sure reality has set in quite yet. This pregnancy could not be more different than Reagan's. With Reagan I noticed every kick, punch and roll and with this pregnancy I tend to forget I'm even pregnant until contractions kick in after a busy day chasing a 2 year old. Ben and I laugh at how with Reagan she had a full blown nursery complete with a chandelier, wallpaper, custom bedding, etc. This poor kid has a crib in the corner of the guest room. Haha...oh well. I'm the 2nd child and Ben is the 3rd and we both survived. Good luck little Raleigh! 
